Southern Ways & Wisdom

Welcome to “Just a Word, Or Two…” — a place where Southern stories, gentle wisdom, and everyday grace gather like friends on a front porch.

What we learn at our momma’s knee can often stay with us throughout our lives. And, if you happen to have been reared in the South, that means you’ve grown up with a specific set of social codes governed by a distinct emphasis on manners and encouraged pleasantries.

Small towns in the South are not known for their hurried pace. Conversations are rarely rushed, whether you are at the post office or the grocery store, you may be asked, “Now, who are your people and what church do you attend?” The pace of life is intentionally slower; it’s a place where connections and family histories run deep. When I stumbled upon the article, “22 unspoken rules of the South” by Amber Sutton, I found it profoundly true. What does “Southern Hospitality” mean to you?

22 unspoken rules of the South

by Amber Sutton written for, “It’s a Southern Thing”

Everyone knows the South takes manners and treating others with politeness very seriously. That’s why over the years, generations of families have handed down dozens of guidelines on how to act and behave. Take a look at a few of these and feel free to add your own thoughts in the comments.

#1) Let ’em skip the line.

“At the grocery store, if you’ve got a buggy full, and the person behind you has just a few things in their hands, you let them go in front of you. People are so appreciative. I always reply, ‘I know you’d do the same for me.'” — Laura Hibbs

#2) Respect everyone.

“Show respect for everyone, whether or not they ‘deserve’ it. How you treat others is a reflection of your character; not theirs.” — Peg Simpson

#3) Give the courtesy wave.

​”If someone extends you a courtesy while driving, wave and acknowledge their kindness. On the flip side, if someone waves at you, you acknowledge them back. Always be courteous while driving. Letting someone pull into your lane in front of you or turn first will not harm you in any way.” — Stefanie Demory

#4) Respect your elders.

“Respect your elders. I grew up in a small town. My mother always told me my grandparents would know what we had done wrong before she did, and that was true.” — Sharon Hall

#5) Pull over for funerals.

“Pull over on the side of the road and stop your car when you see a funeral procession.” — Becky Stevens Lauderdale

#6) Don’t talk about yourself.

“Do not make yourself the topic and center of the conversation. Too many have forgotten (or never learned) the art of small talk and making those around you feel welcome and appreciated.” — Erin O’Regan

#7) Kids use the right titles.

“Children are to address non-family members who are older than themselves as ‘Mister John’ or ‘Miss Pat’ — and only did so when they weren’t at risk of interrupting a grown-up.” — Ralph Strickland

#8) Bring comfort food.

​”When someone dies, you take their family food, and it is typically home-cooked. Usually, enough food is provided to feed the family anywhere from a few days to a week.” — Kara Cvechko

#9) Don’t walk on graves.

“An old almost forgotten rule is to never walk on the graves. My mother always said, ‘you wouldn’t want people walking on you, would you?'” — Lydia K Trowbridge

#10) Leave no dish empty.

“Don’t return a dish empty.” — Annette Coker

#11) Always say thank you.

“Say thank you! Food server, drive-thru, someone holding a door, grocery store. Thank everyone who has done something for you. Also, saying excuse me.” — Meagan Tempio

#12) Bless their (mean) heart.

“If you must say something bad about someone, always follow it with ‘Bless his or her heart’. For example, Jerry is the meanest man on the face of the earth, bless his heart.” — Marie Lewis

#13) Make small talk.

​”If there is an old man sitting outside a store on a bench, go talk to him. He will have great advice on how to live happily.” — Jennifer McDonald- Fagg

#14) Give the proper greeting.

“When you open the door for company, say ‘y’all come on in’ with a big grin on your face. When company leaves, you say ‘y’all come back now, and don’t take too long’ in the sincerest manner.” — Carolyn Wright

#15) Thank-you notes are mandatory.

Photo by Haley Laurence

“Thank-you notes should be sent out three weeks after the event.” — Tricia Kaiser Hamlin

#16) Test out a name before you use it.

“Before you choose a child’s name, stand on the back porch and holler the whole first and middle names really loud to make sure it works for those times when the child is in trouble or needs to come home for supper. Also, make sure their initials don’t spell something embarrassing.” — Shelly Porsch Chetty

#17) Pull over for ambulances.

“Always pull over for emergency vehicles, even if they’re not behind you.It makes it easier for the response driver to figure out what they’re dealing with.” — Christian McMichael

#18) Close the dang door.

“CLOSE THAT DOOR! you’re letting all the cool air out! We aren’t trying to cool the whole neighborhood.” — Jessica McKeown

#19) When in doubt, bring food.

“Food is an appropriate response for both good news and bad.” — Sue Chiles

#20) Know how to make a good pound cake.

• Pound cake photo – Shutterstock

“It used to be an unspoken rule that a Southern lady should know how to make a good pound cake and also good biscuits! Don’t know if this is still true nowadays…” — Sharon Lyles Newman

#21) Take your hat off.

“A man or boy should take their hat off at a table when eating or in a building.” — Melanie Cox

#22) Ladies shake first.

“Only shake hands with a woman if SHE extends her hand first.” — Jeff Roper

Inspiration & Faith

Encouraging Words…Improve the World

Sing in the Shower
Research suggests that singing registers pleasure in your brain – so bust out the tunes on karaoke night, or in the shower if you don’t have Mariah Carey vocals!

Love Your Pet
Studies show that people with pets have a better life quality than those who don’t! Petting your dog for as little as 15 minutes a day can release the feel-good hormone serotonin and lower your stress.

Volunteer
Giving back makes you feel better – emotionally and physically. Volunteer at a shelter or sign up for a cause you are passionate about.

Get Some Fresh Air
Scientists have found that a mere 30 minutes in the sun can boost your mood. Even if it’s cloudy – fresh air is still quite refreshing.

Sleep In
We know – you have a million things you have got to get done, even on the weekends. But a few extra hours of sleep boosts your mood, sharpens your mind and improves your memory!

Get Creative
Participants in a study became more cheerful when they distracted themselves by creating art that expressed their negative feelings. Draw something or start writing in a journal!
The secret to a longer life is a happier life, and it’s easy to do little things to brighten up your mood! After all, you deserve it.

Little Lessons, Big Impact

Whenever I find an interesting article I usually save it. This is one of those clippings. I think I’ll share these four basic ways of being more graceful.

Let’s start with, Treat Yourself.
“Living in today’s high-tech, the high-speed world is more than challenging-sometimes, it can be overwhelming.

Yet some people seem to glide through life. They have a style and grace that we admire and desire.

If you resolve to find a way to add a bit more peace, beauty, and kindness to your life, you might want to start with how you approach each day.

Being graceful can be broken down into four basics: the way you move, communicate, treat others and yourself. By paying attention to simple behaviors you, too, can be an admired, graceful being. And you just might see more of the best side of other people.

Treat Yourself with grace.
This is an internal and external exercise. Idea: Surround yourself with beauty. It may seem trivial, but having beautiful things around you can lift your spirit.
Try this: Every week, bring in a vase of fresh flowers for your desk, or a less expensive option-play soothing music in your home or office.
By adding beauty and grace to your life, you are sending the message, “I am a different kind of person, the kind you’ll want to know, the kind I’m proud to be.”

Treat Everyone as Extraordinary
By paying attention to little details, you send a big message. “You are important.” And everybody wants to feel important.
Idea: Take five minutes and send someone a handwritten note. Buy a roll of stamps and three boxes of note cards; put a box in your desk, briefcase and car. If you send one card per day for a year, you’ll make 365 people feel special. Your goal is to catch people doing things right and to acknowledge them. Be honest and sincere. It might be as simple as Dear Sarah, I’m so proud that you’re my daughter. Love, Dad. So how long did this take? Ten seconds? Imagine the impact that little note could have on a father-daughter relationship. Worth the effort? You bet.

Move More Slowly
You may think that moving slower is impossible, that it goes against all the pushes and pulls being made on you.
Consider: Moving slower will set you apart from the crowd and will actually attract people to you.
Idea: Have a lunch date? Arrive 10 minutes early. You’ll be at the restaurant with a table ready for your guest. Your demeanor will be calm and relaxed, exuding an air of “I’ve got my life together.” On the flip side, picture yourself 10 minutes late, making excuses and apologizing. Who would you rather be? A graceful approach to being is a powerful magnetic…”
~ Writer, Melinda Vilas

Fanciful though it may be, the story is more than idle tale. It carries with it a vivid, relevant analogy directly related to the times in which we live. What the keeper of the springs meant to the village, Christian servants mean to our world. The preserving, taste-giving bite of salt mixed with the illuminating, hope-giving ray of light may seem feeble and needless..but, God help any society that attempts to exist without them! You see, the village without the Keeper of the Spring is a perfect representation of the world system without salt and light.

Stories That Shape Us

What’s It Like in Your Town?
Retold by Kris Gray
Once there was an old and very wise man. Every day he would sit outside a gas station in his rocking chair and wait to greet motorists as they passed through his small town. On this day, his granddaughter knelt down at the foot of his chair and slowly passed the time with him.
As they sat and watched the people come and go, a tall man who surely had to be a tourist -since they knew everyone in the town-began looking around as if he were checking out the area for a place to live. The stranger walked up and asked, “So what kind of a town is this that we’re in?” The older gentleman slowly turned to the man and replied, “Well, what kind of a town are you from?” The tourist said, “In the town I’m from everyone is very critical of each other. The neighbors all gossip about everyone, and it’s a real negative place to live. I’m sure glad to be leaving. It is not a very cheerful place.” The man in the chair looked at the stranger and said, “You know, that’s just how this town is.”
An hour or so later a family that was also passing through stopped for gas. The car slowly turned in and rolled to a stop in front of where the older gentleman and his granddaughter were sitting. The mother jumped out with two small children and asked where the restrooms were. The man in the chair pointed to a small, bent-up sign that was barely hanging by one nail on the side of the door. The father stepped out of the car and also asked the man, “Is this a pretty good place to live?” The man in the chair replied, “What about the town you are from?” How is it?” The father looked at him and said, “Well, in the town I’m from everyone is very close and always willing to lend their neighbor a helping hand. There’s always a hello and thank-you everywhere you go. I really hate to leave. I feel almost like we are leaving family.” The older gentleman turned to the father and gave him a warm smile. “You know, that’s a lot like this small town.” Then the family returned to the car, said their thank-yous, waved goodbye and drove away.
After the family was in the distance, the granddaughter looked up at her grandfather and asked, “Grandpa, how come when the first man came into our town you told him it was a terrible place to live, and when the family came in to town you told them it was a wonderful place to live?” The grandfather lovingly looked down at his granddaughter’s wondering blue eyes and said, “No matter where you move, you take your own attitude with you and that’s what makes it terrible or wonderful.”

Thanks for spending a little time here. May these words bring you comfort, joy, and a reminder of the beauty tucked inside ordinary days.